We Did It!
Thank you everyone, it was all so much better than we ever could have dreamed!
Because a few people asked (but mostly because we're kinda proud of them), here are our vows.
We'll try to put some photos up here too. No promises.
Our Journey So Far
Devon and Jordi met at Burning Man in 2011, where each assumed the other was gay. (Jordi was mostly correct, Devon only partly so.) They did the long-distance thing for a year or so, until Jordi finally realized that Devon was serious about the relationship and moved up to Portland.
Fast forward a decade (through good times and boring times and discovering polyamory and major rupture and starting therapy and learning about ourselves and each other and breaking cycles and developing tools and gradually figuring out how to build healthy relationships and, of course, a lot more therapy and a lot more work) and our life together is nothing short of amazing.
We're proud of our relationship. We've created something together that feels new and radical and resilient.
Where We Are Now
We have a house in Tigard, where we live with our two wonderful cockatiels, Mara and Flash.
We dedicate a lot of our time to talking and holding space for each other, often while on 2-hour walks with a Mod Pizza break in the middle. We lean into discomfort and conflict as an opportunity to learn about ourselves, grow as humans, and deepen our relationship. (We can be annoyingly fanatical about growth and evolution, both as individuals and within our relationship.)
We're rooted in kitchen table polyamory, and we take delight in the way it continually enriches our lives. We're tightly woven into a wonderful community of people that form a strong support network. (Like mycelium!)
Where We're Going Next
We like the way we navigate life together, and we have no intention of stopping. When we make guesses about the future, it seems pretty likely that this relationship will end with one of us dying (though hopefully not soon), but our real commitment is to follow the evolution of our relationship wherever it takes us, and to live our lives with as much authenticity as we can muster.
This part of the Relationship Anarchy Manifesto feels suprisingly well aligned with what we do:
For most human activities, there is some form of norm in place for how it is supposed to work. If you want to deviate from this pattern, you need to communicate - otherwise things tend to end up just following the norm, as others behave according to it. Communication and joint actions for change is the only way to break away. Radical relationships must have conversation and communication at the heart - not as a state of emergency only brought out to solve “problems”. Communicate in a context of trust. We are so used to people never really saying what they think and feel - that we have to read between the lines and extrapolate to find what they really mean. But such interpretations can only build on previous experiences - usually based on the norms you want to escape. Ask each other about stuff, and be explicit!
So Why Get Married?
The marriage part is simple: married couples get rights and privileges that other couples don't.
We're throwing a wedding because we have so many amazing people in our lives who would never have reason to meet each other, and we'll only get a handful of opportunities in life to bring everyone together.
(Y'all had better do this again for us when we die. But by then at least one of us won't be around to see it, so we're jumping on this opportunity while we can.)
The Event
We'll aim to do the actual ceremony at sunset, right around 6pm. (It'll be short!)
Light appetizers start at 5pm, then soup and charcuterie and more appetizer-ey things at 6:30pm. Dessert and more snacks later in the evening. (We're aiming for there to be at least a dinner's worth of snacks over the course of the evening.) We'll have gluten free and vegetarian options, please let us know if you have other requests.
No cake, no flower toss, no walk down the aisle, no reading from Corinthians, no candles, no seat assignments. We have really good people in our lives, and we'd love for y'all to get a chance to meet each other, so just show up and hang out with us and maybe even meet someone new.
In keeping with family traditions, we'll set up a game of Bozo at one table and Scrabble at another, and maybe others if we feel like it. Feel free to bring your favorite game to share!
What to Wear?
This one's important to us, and we're going to make it weird.
A wedding needs at least one wedding dress. It won't be on either of us, so we're sincerely hoping that several of you will show up wearing wedding dresses.
(Yes, we really mean it! Dig out that old wedding dress in your closet and see if it fits, or check out your local thrift store.)
But we don't want to stop there - we want you guys in the wildest, weirdest, clashiest mishmash of different outfits possible. So go crazy with it!
A few ideas:
- Whatever you'd wear to a normal wedding
- Black tie, fancy formal wear, prom outfits
- Halloween costumes
- Hawaiian shirts, shorts, sandals
- Overalls, tattered jeans, T-shirts
- Jammies, onesies
- Burning Man outfits, club wear
- Business casual
- Ugly Christmas sweaters
- Wedding dresses! (worth mentioning again)
- Whatever makes you feel comfortable
- Whatever makes you feel like you!
When?
5pm March 1, 2023
We have the gym all afternoon, so come hang out earlier if you're around and available. We'll get kicked out at 10pm.
Where?
McMenamins Kennedy School Gymnasium
5736 NE 33rd Ave
Portland, OR 97211
💜